Worried that you're going to divorce? Then talk to me. I really do have some answers. Not all of them, not by a long shot, everyone is different, everyone's problems are different. But I have some answers. They may help.
The start of the repair, is your foundation. Sadly, many are taught the Disney version of Marriage, which is, one prince comes and rescues the princess, and they live happily ever after. What is happily ever after? Does it include holding each other when the other is sick? Holding her hair back, cleaning the mess on the floor? Does it include when there’s not enough money to pay the electric bill or water bill? I’m sure the princess had someone to take that away from her, do it for her, or did she? Romance? Really? No, Romance does not equal reality. When your foundation is bad, then everything you build on that foundation, no matter how amazing, beautiful, wonderful, it’s a beautiful pumpkin that is not a carriage, but a pretty fruit that is rotten inside.
There are no twelve steps in my plan. There is only one. Everything that will repair itself relies on that one item, but you have to relearn some definitions to get there. It’s impossible to fix that one issue, if you have no idea what that issue is, and you’re going to have to dig deeper than you ever thought possible to get there. But you’ll have to understand something. You’ve been lied to by, well, nearly everyone.
My process starts with a foundation, then builds on that.
The foundation must be solid, for anything to last. If the foundation is weak then the first time things get scary and stupid, you don’t pull together as a team, you fall apart. It’s said that any ground who are tasks with a project will succeed in some way if they choose a leader, but if they don’t, they will almost universally fail. Why almost? Because in those teams one person rises to the top and completes the assignment over the other team members. Many families are like that. They choose a leader and easily complete the tasks for life, or, one of the people in the family take over and completes the tasks over the other. In one case, you have a well functioning team, in the other, it’s a power struggle that only accomplishes the tasks by chance and force. Which team would you rather be in? Then you have to build the foundation first, then you built a structure on top of that. I’ll show you why and how, and why a word that means so, so much has been erased from our culture and replaced with the same word, but with a different definition.
Find the true definitions and learn them. Reprogram your mind, and fill in the gaps. This is the first step to understanding what has been done to you, and how to repair it.
Now you take your foundation apart brick by brick, and recreate it into something that is worth having. This is the easy part and the hardest at the same time.
Now, you’ve built a foundation, and it’s time to negotiate. Your former way of life will not work, it never had a chance, but now you have that chance to build the kind of marriage you’ve wanted.
IT’S NOT YOUR CAKE, GET OUT OF IT. This is the hardest thing to do, ever. You have your new foundation, and you’ve recreated your marriage and now…. you throw a wrench into it and set it on fire with a few well meaning words. Step Four is what those words are, and how to stop yourself from saying them.
Self defense, guard that cake jealously. This is how to build the trust you need in the other person, and how to leverage it into a winning marriage. It’s truly not a mystery. It will be wonderful, when you’ve got it right.
Now that it works, step six is to protect it. This is when you open up and let the other see the real you, again. You get to see the smiles you thought were gone, and the love you though lost. Here, you are the couple you dreamed of, but not the fairly tale princess, but the strong winners who fight for what they want.
Step Seven, relax, rest, and enjoy the life you just built.
This program will work for people in failing marriages, as well as those who are just getting together. It’s built on Christian principals, but they might not be the ones you’re used to. Sit back, read a few pages, and know that eventually it will fall into place with you, and you’ll see the truth. Marriage is amazing, wonderful, and yes, you can still love the other person twenty thirty, fourty years from now, IF you build on the right foundation.